Going Back to High School

Don't let the title fool you.  I would NEVER go back and relive those high school days!  However, I did attend my 40th High School Reunion this past weekend.  (Oh no.........did I just reveal my age??)

I had been going back and forth on whether or not to attend.  40 years is a long time, and my usual inner voice crept into my brain:

• No one will remember me - I was a nobody in a class of 680+
• I was a shy wall-flower who blushed easily
• I didn't have many friends that I hung out with outside of school
• I was not in any clubs or extra-curricular activities
• Most of my friends from my Catholic grade school moved on to the Catholic High School
• I was dorky 
• I didn't really date anyone in High School nor go to Homecoming or Prom (which is a total blog post in itself 😭)
• I have Facebook friends from High School, and do they really care if they see me in person?

I was also going to use the excuse of being only 2 weeks post-surgery, however more than one person quickly squashed that one and told me that I would be pretty much ok by then.  Sigh.....out of excuses, so I finally bought my ticket to attend, and bought my husband a ticket as well - you know, for insurance, just in case I needed to have someone to talk to, as I was pretty sure no one would be talking to me.  There were other spouses going, so I knew that on the outside chance I was actually busy talking to people, he would not feel neglected.

The day before the reunion, I saw that there were going to be some former classmates that would be gathering at the local downtown pub - kind of a pre reunion, if you will. One of my friends, Mary, was going to be there, so I decided to go. Mind you, my high school self would NEVER have done something like that in a million years, however my adult self felt somewhat comfortable, as I am familiar with the place, and I knew that at least Mary would be there.  I considered this a good ice breaker for me, so that walking into the actual reunion the next day might be a bit easier.

Thankfully, Mary was standing outside when I arrived, so I was able to go in with her.   Surprise to me - people actually remembered me!  People that in my high school days I considered "popular", and that I had no real connection with back then, remembered me and were genuinely happy to see me! What??  I had such a good time talking to people that night - and found that many of them felt the same way I did - that no one would remember them or care about who they were now.  (As a side note, I am the Exec. Director for our local Chamber of Commerce, so more than once I had people referring to me as the Queen of our Village - hah - not even close, but thank you for making me feel like I'm a "somebody" instead of how I saw myself 'back in the day".)

The actual reunion itself was really a nice event.  I was able to get over myself and my anxieties, and actually go up to people that I remembered.  Hubby hung with all of the other "plus ones" that he already knew, so he did not feel a bit out of place.  I found that the majority of the girls (ok, women, but that night we were all back in high school, so girls) looked very much recognizable, whereas I found that many of the guys were not.  All in all, however, we have aged pretty well, if I do say so myself! 

One of the people I reconnected with was Char - someone that I remember fondly from back then. She and I were messaging the other day.  We both commented on how we felt like no one liked us in high school, but as adults, we now find that it was really the exact opposite. Too bad it only took us 40 years to realize it.  She made a comment that struck me: "Isn't it amazing how we perceive ourselves, versus how others actually see us?"

I have come a long way since 1973 -1977.  That shy girl is for the most part gone. Although the feelings do creep in at times, I do my best to push them off.   I know that we all have the same feelings of inadequacy, so I make myself remember that.  I know that if I am the first to approach someone  and say something, the acknowledgement will usually be welcome.  This has taken me YEARS to be comfortable with, though - trust me!

So in 10 more years, we will all be just a few years away from turning 70.  Well, except for me.  When I turned 50, I started counting backwards.  I am now only 42.  So if I decide to start counting up again, I will only be in my early 50's in time for the 50th reunion - wink, wink 😄 .

The Year of Me

I was born on July 17 - or 7/17.  Those numbers have always sort of been "my numbers".  I have used 717 as part of my login name on nearly everything, and when the long-awaited Alzheimer's Illinois License plates are finally released, mine will (hopefully) read YMI717.  Many times I will glance at the clock (ok, it can happen twice a day) and the time will be 7:17.  My husband or I will say out loud "Seven Seventeen!"  Once he even texted me at that exact time, telling me it was 7:17.   Silly and fun stuff!

So, when the year was going to be 2017 - well, that was going to be my year!  I obviously was not around for 1917 (or, maybe I was, and look really, really good for my age.....) and I will not be around for 2117, so this was it!  This would be "my" year!  I don't really know what I expected; perhaps that 7/17/17 would be something spectacular and significant (which it was not).  I know, "grow up Yvonne", birthdays are best celebrated by kids.  I mean, it wasn't a bad birthday, it was really just not much different than any other day.  The year itself, however, while not yet over, has held many ups and downs. 

Let me just start this by saying that I live a blessed life, and I know that I do.  I want for nothing, and I have a terrific family, both immediate and extended, as well as a plethora of wonderful friends that really do care about us.  This was proven to me most specifically when my mom passed away in March of this year.  I really felt the love.  It was a bittersweet time, as my 4th grandchild was born just one day prior to my mom's passing. So very difficult to celebrate the arrival of one beautiful life, while another beautiful life was departing - so many mixed emotions.

Some of the significant up moments of this year so far have included:

• Nearly one full month of seeing my siblings on nearly a daily basis, at the assisted living facility where my mom was living.  Someone was always there with my dad, and by late afternoon, it was usually all of us for an hour or two. Reminiscing about all of the years gone by - childhood friends and experiences - fun things our mom had taught us - the wonderful meals she prepared, and on and on.  
• Meeting our 4th grandchild - sweet Orestes - in England.  We are blessed to be able to afford to purchase plane tickets and travel overseas.  So thankful for Skype, to be able to stay in touch and see him and talk to him - and hopefully next time we see them he will recognize our faces and our voices
• Reconnecting with several of my high school friends who took the time out of their lives to attend my mother's funeral. I was encouraged to attend our 40th Class Reunion, which will be happening this Saturday.  I'm a little apprehensive, because while we change over the years (I mean 40 years since high school - how can that be since I feel like I am only 39 years old!?!) I don't think we ever really lose the "high school" part of ourselves.  I did not have many friends in high school, but that's ok, as the ones I did have, helped to shape me into who I am today.  It's those few people that I am really looking forward to seeing.  
• Driving over 11 hours (one way) with my long-time dear friend Cathy, so that we could visit Ree Drummond's The Pioneer Woman's Mercantile Store in Pawhuska, Oklahoma. If you have no idea who I am talking about, you can check out her blog Confessions of a Pioneer Woman Here - or you can find her on her cooking show on the Food Network channel.  I started reading her blog years ago - before she was famous.  Cathy and I had a blast on this trip, and it is one I will never forget.  We did a lot of Facebook Live videos from the car, and while we didn't have a ton of viewers, we had a load of fun doing them! Sadly, we did not run into Ree or her family during this trip, but to see where her cooking show is filmed, and to stand where she has stood - well, that was 2nd best!  We are going to a book signing in November, so will see her in person then~

The Down moments:

• The death of our dear Pug, Allie, who went downhill pretty quickly from Mast Cell tumors.  She actually died before our eyes, as we awaited a phone call from the local vet.  This was especially difficult for my husband, as he brought her home to us as a small, but rambunctious puppy, and she was his side-kick on a daily basis.
• In February, my mother took a fall, which started her downward spiral that ended in her passing on March 30.  My sweet mom lived with Alzheimer's for 11 years - each year we lost a little bit more of her, until she no longer knew who we were, and we had to search for the bits of "Mom" that were recognizable.  Last fall, our family made the difficult decision to move her into Assisted Living, then searched out the best place.  We found it in Terra Vista, close to our home.  We did not regret our decision for one minute.  They were just wonderful, not only to my mom, but our whole family as well.  We felt truly loved and embraced. 
• All of the natural disasters, and man-made tragedies that  have occurred over the past month. It's hard to wrap your head around it, really - 3 major hurricanes that caused mass devastation in Texas, Florida, the Caribbean and Puerto Rico.  Earthquakes in Mexico and several other areas of the world. The deadly mass-shooting just the other day in Las Vegas...so sickening and sad.

Right now I am on medical leave after surgery, and recovering quicker than I expected.  It's amazing how quickly the body can heal itself. Healing the heart and mind is a different story, however.  Love and faith and the comfort from others helps.

2017 has held many significant moments for me, both good and bad, and while it has not been the spectacular year that I had envisioned, it has been significant in showing me how blessed I truly am.